Confessions of an introvert

Have you ever been in a situation where you walk into a room thinking it’s gonna be empty but bump into an acquaintance and you  start thinking if you can casually make a run for it or is it too late and he is already waving at you? If yes then you probably belong to the community of socially awkward people such as me. You may wonder what is so hard in making eye contact and smiling at someone who is coming from the other end of the street. But every time I spot a familiar face in a crowd my brain just starts looking for possible evacuation routes! It’s not like I am anti-social or hate people or anything but I guess God wired me in a way that I prefer reading a book or binge watching a Friends season rather than hanging out in a club with a bunch of people.

The problem is not that it’s lonely or anything! People like me, we like the solitude. The problem is what do you do, when every time you go to the nearest tea stall to have your favourite masala chai, you meet that girl in your class with whom you have attended several classes but your relationship goes only as far as a smile to each other if you accidentally make eye contact and now you don’t know if you should strike up a conversation. Even if you somehow convince yourself and do decide to talk, what will you say? Isn’t it too late for introductions, it’s already been six months for crying out loud!

You know what’s worse that I always assume that people might feel that I am some stuck-up person, too proud to say hello. Who knows they might not even be thinking like that but my brain doesn’t get it. It gets insane sometimes when you see someone you know and one part of your brain tells you to go and say hi and ask them how it is going while another is screaming to start walking in the opposite direction. And you are in splits as to what to do and end up taking your phone out and suddenly become very interested in your wallpaper. What would I not give to be the carefree gregarious individual who doesn’t worry about what to say next to a person and not long for the kindle lying in my bag?

Well I have never been the person who feels comfortable in a party. I like spending time with my close friends and I am a chatter-box when I am around them. I like texting because it is much easier to express yourself to a screen than a human being. So yes I confess, I am a socially awkward person and while I am at confessing things, I guess am bit of a nerd too! But I like who I am. Yes some days I would like myself to be a bit more extroverted but only some days! One can say that come on it’s not rocket science you know talking to people but trust me, to people like me rocket science is much easier!